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Ok i think im freaked out know the sadness turned into fear and my dreams turned into....a black space with no dream. My Mom lied to me and said she was fine when she wasnt and im hurt. 2 priests came to my house with my moms friend Giselle. My mom is throwing up right now and i hate my life. It's this moment that i remember my dad rocking me to sleep and singing me a spanish lullaby and telling me that i will be blessed and have a great life.

I regret what he said. my life stinks i dont have a wonderful life like all the Waverly girls or the wannabes, i dont get clothes everyday and go on shopping sprees. It's only once in a while i do maybe every 4 months? maybe less??

None understands how scared i am to open my arms and say oh my life's great and i will be this or that. I miss my old life sitting with my dad and my family. My grandma playing catch with me when i was 5 or 2, my dad giving me presents on christmas, and my dad making me laugh when i was sad. It's one of these moments when you want to goon a time machine to go back in time and feel and laugh in the moments i've had with my dad. My Dad was the one that connected us even though he screwed up with my mom. I sometimes tell myself why do i keep living?? why do i keep holding on?? what am i holding on??

I wannago back andfeel my dad kissing me and hugging me. Making me feel spoiled without giving me everything i want. I was happy and every moment of that life....he made it great. I have tears down my eyes because what had happened i hate everything............................=[

bittersweet<3

goodnight! =]

Dear journal,

MY day today was great well other then when i had gym class but anyway... Scott gave me his phone number and i have given him mine. I havent seen chris in like four days now and i really miss him so i just got done calling him and he said that he was about to go somewhere sp i had said ok i guess i will call ypu back l8tr. But i want to hang out and play with chris really bad i know he might have a girlfriend but i think i still love him. Tommarow at sewl we are tyding shirts and i cant wait so i can stop thinking about chris!! Britney dillow wants to fight me and chris is trying ti defend me but i dont need his help i can beat the shit out of her. just because im a cheerleader dont mean a damn thing. I take that back im a tomboy cheerleader fo r your information!!!!

Well its been awhile since i have wrote one these its time for an update! Well its kind of been boring the last week and half.

Two fridays ago i went out with Emily, Sarah, and Dina. I was really tired and i didnt feel like going out. So we went to dinner in down town Puebla. the place that we wanted to go was full so we went a little resturant down the street, next to an amazing salsa club. We sat down at a table out side but the misquitos were crazy so we moved inside. We ordered spigettie (however you spell it) but i got mine with meat suace. The rest of the girl just got tomato sause. After dinner we went walking around called a cab and went back to the dorms. It was around Midnight and i see the Laura and Jennifer are in the TV room about to watch a movie. So i eat popcorn and watch a movie with them. I went to bed right after that. I woke up around 6am with a horroble tummy ach. I was cursed with a bad case of food piosoning. After i was done throwing up my face, i called my mom. She was like "honey just go to the pharmacy and get this that and some of this" I had to explain to her that it was not the easy. First i would have to hobble ( if you remember my foot was messed up) to the front desk and some how have her call a taxi, then once the taxi got there to pick me up i would have to argue with the cab driver ( who speaks espanol) to take me to the nearest pharmacy. One i got there i would some how describe my symptoms to the spanish speaking pharmasist. I told my mom just make me feel better now and last on tonight i will go to the store. After i got off the phone with her. I feel right to sleep. From the night before till later the afternoon, i slept a total of 16 hours. Not counting the hour i was up and being sick. I had Neal go the Pharmacy with me. And i was right i had to act out throwing up in order to get the right meds. She said oh Dramamine! When she said that, it was like in slow motion music to my ears! I was so happy. We took a cab back to the dorms, i popped a few of those sleepy pills and i was out for anoth 14 hours. So last Thursday we took a day trip the the Pyramid of the Flowers and it was boring. That night i went out with Sarah and Emily. We went to an awesome cantina with a Mariachi Band! The margarits were the best ever! It was a great dinner beside the fact that i ordered something and got something totally different then i thought. I flirted with one of the Mariachi Band members. It was great! Then after dinner our friend Jamie (pronounced 'Hym A') took us to a near by salsa club, and this is wear it gets sticky. WE were haveing a great time. Emily was danceing with Jamie, Sarah and I were crowd scoping and chating. Laura, Jennifer, Ross and Neal showed up. Laura was so cute she had been drinking and she was haveing a damn good time. After being there for an hour or so, and old fat man asked me to dance. I was like oh it wouldnt hurt to dance a little. So after the first dance i sat back down and five minutes later he asked me to dance again. so i did trying to dance as bad as i could so he wouldnt ask me to dance again. I sat back down and sure enough the old scarey man asked me again!!!! I said i was tired and he walked away...FOR ABOUT TWO SECONDS! He would not take no for an answer! So i got my happy ass up and danced with him again. After that song i was like GIRLS WE HAVE GOT GO! i felt bad makeing the girls leave, but i was afriad that the man was gonna ask me to go home with him! AHHHHHH! That next day i went to the pool around 11 and i was alone for about an hour untill Sarah and Emily showed up. It was nice to be alone for that hour. But i was excited the Sarah and Emily showed up. I enjoy their company! then the other girls came and we spent about three hours at the pool gossiping and what not. We left and went back to the dorm. I changed and met Sarah, Emily, dina and Crystal in the courtyard. Our plan was to find a place to eat lunch and go to the Cholula town square. We walked to a place called Karma Begals! It was so yummy. While we were there it started raining and HAILING! it was crazy so we waited till the storm was over and said we will go to the square later this week. We walked back to the dorms. I bought a few braclets along the way! That night i decided to not go out, instead Sarah. Emily, Dina and I watched the movie Chocolate. I think i found my new favorite movie! It is my new favorite movie! After watching that we wanted chocolate so bad! So we called a cap and went to Walmart! He got some mexican hot chocolate, popcorn and M&Ms! We got back made the hot chocolate in Dina�s appartment, talked for quite a while and i went to bed. The next morning i woke up and went upstairs to see what Jessica was doing! O hung out with her for a while. I decided i was going to Cholula that day. The only person that wanted to go was Luara! So we showered and went shopping all afternoon in Cholula�s town square! I bought a poncho and bracelts and a ring! YAY. Around 5pm we decided to go back to eat somewhere around our dorms. So we hoped on a bus that we thought was the right one. NOPE...we ended up on the a different side of Cholula that was have never sence before..It was a little scarey but it was all good..it was still light outside! We got home dropped our stuff off and went and grabbed a burger. WE came back i finshed a movie that Emily and Sarah started. It was in spanish and i couldnt stop watching, it was really good! Laura came and found me and told me that she was going to have a few drinks with Ross and Neal i was welsome if i wanted! I was like heck yes! So we had one drink at Arrachera�s and then went to Bambooka�s were i can get huge margaritas for 4 bucks! I told myself i need to be in bad by midnight because i was going to Teotiauhcan in 7 am in the next morning! But nope that didnt happen. After Bambooka�s we went to Club Bling to have a beer. Then we went to El Tigr� and had another beer. I saw my classmater there. One of the seminaries was there named Mike and then Christina! i talked to them for awhile untill Luara was ready to leave! We then we went to La Corcholoata! This place was awesome,, they were playing American music! the even play YMCA in spanish! lol how crazy is that! That place has a chiar that is hanging from the ceiling and you spin in it after a few drinks. Luara got in it twice. I get dizzy really easily so i did not even tempt it!I told laura that was the best night i hd since i got there...it was so much fun,,,i think becasue we werent in a big group, and the people meshed well together! I made it to bed around 2:30 and 6 am came all to soon! lol